Never meant for this to happen
by staticology
Summary: Ken angst, after October, reflecting on the relationship between Shinjiro and Minako, Shinjiro's fate, and his own feelings about all of that. Slight spoilers if you haven't played the game.


Just a short drabble idea that I got while playing P3P. Will probably be redone later.

Ken - Female Protagonist

Female Protagonist/Shinjiro

* * *

He knew he couldn't win.

He knew he wouldn't win.

And though it was painful, he had no choice but to accept that fate. She had chosen _him_, and though neither of them said anything or announced it, they all knew it. The way the two would go out at night. How they watched each other. She would smile at him in her radiant way, the shining beacon of their leader, and Ken would feel pieces of his heart flake off and fall into an abyss. There was nothing good about a guy like that. He was a murderer and he there wasn't anything he could do that would be able to save him. There wasn't any redemption out there for him except the punishment from Ken's own hands. Originally he hated him and that was all. The man who killed his mother- he was positive of it. But now...

Now things were a bit different.

Now it hurt to see him.

Because he knew that she would have been with him sooner or later. With Ken, he was only an "important friend". But that guy... he was more than that to her. One time he'd tried to stay up until they got back, and he'd come up with a whole plan about how to say he was just enjoying some (black) coffee. He'd fallen asleep though and they arrived at the dorm smiling without him even knowing. Without being involved with what made her happy. He wanted to be the one to protect her! He _would_ protect her! Even though he was younger and there was quite an age difference, that made his feelings no less serious than that guy's! She didn't understand though. She was oblivious to his feelings, his earnest and tender emotions for towards her. He'd have liked nothing more than to see that guy fall and leave their lives. He'd have liked it even better if it was by his own hands.

He regretted it now. Those horrible thoughts cluttered with revenge and jealousy... he was a kid, but didn't want to accept it. He didn't feel like one. He didn't want to be one. Ken would have given anything to be a man worthy of her. That guy died in front of him, died because of him, and indirectly- that came to the conclusion that Ken was the one that indirectly had crushed the heart of the one person he never wanted to hurt. No matter how much she was trying not to cry, she wanted to, because she missed him. It was hard looking at her in the face anymore.

Such a child. These petty feelings and behaviors. Behaving so immaturely and giving into the sinking feelings of guilt. One part of him wanted to be strong and cool like Featherman to save her. To swoop in and tell her things would be okay. And the other part of him wanted her to stop bothering him, stop coming to talk to him, so he could stop feeling these painful things. What if he was a nuisance? That guy died protecting him, telling the girl they both loved not to cry with blood dripping from his body more and more, the crimson scarlet color that wouldn't let Ken sleep. He was supposed to feel better. That's how it was supposed to be!

Not...

Not like this.

No.

He never intended it to be like this.

Did that make him more of a kid? Was it because he was so short? Maybe that's why she'd never seen him. That guy had been pretty tall. Ripples formed in the glass of milk he held in his shaking hand, salty tears rolling down his face and into the glass. Staining everything he touched. Why? Why wasn't he born earlier? He would have been old enough to protect his mom. The police would have believed him more. Why did he have to be such a... such a _kid_? The kid that was left behind because he was too childish to protect anyone, and too helpless to be anything but protected.

Lowering his head and squeezing his eyes tightly closed, the tears continued to escape him as he tried his hardest to hold them back. Yet he wasn't even strong enough to do that much. He wasn't able to do anything. Not destroy or protect.

After all.

He was only a kid.


End file.
